Question by arcaneview: My wife doesn’t enjoy sex or anything that leads up to it, HELP!?
This is a little long (I’m sorry) and yes I do expect you to read it all so if you’re in a good mood to help someone in need, please read it all and respond accordingly.
Just like the subject line says, my wife tells me that she doesn’t enjoy and isn’t interested in sex or anything that leads up to it and I need help because I of course do enjoy it!!! We have sex once every two to three months and that includes all types of sex!!! To keep up with my sex drive I have to masturbate daily to keep myself from going insane…
Now, I’m not your typical nagging husband either, I’ll mention it’s been a while and make a pass towards her once and a while but I don’t press on when she tells me no or gives me some lame excuse about not having time (although I’ll make time and she doesn’t utilize it). The only time I will ever throw a tantrum is if it’s been *way* too long and she’ll normally give me sympathy sex at that point.
When I ask her what she *does* enjoy she says she gets more “pleasure” out of backrubs, foot massages, playing with her hair, and popping her zits on her back/face than doing sexual things or doing things that could lead into sex (like dressing sexy, talking sexy, touching each other’s body through clothing, ect). Don’t get me wrong, I will pamper her because it makes her happy but if she had her way I’d be pampering her every day (and I still wouldn’t get sex in exchange)…
As far as the dressing sexy thing, I give her *a lot* of time to do it but I don’t know what her issue is, whether it’s low self esteem or depression or what, but she doesn’t even make an effort. She’ll just throw on a baggy t-shirt and some loose fitting jeans on her days off (which isn’t a huge turn on obviously – unless I was turned on by what dudes wear – but I’m not) and for work she has to wear business casual but she wears the most conservative clothing she can find (never wears skirts/dresses and/or heels just flats and never ever anything that could be considered revealing or visually stimulating). She never said anything about it but my guess is she doesn’t like feeling/looking attractive (not even for me)… Yes, she did hook me for life but that doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to enjoy seeing her at her best once and a while (maybe not every day but once a week would be nice)… By no means am I saying that she has to look like a pornstar to make me happy but I’m her husband and she should want to do what little things she can do to keep me from looking at other women and/or wanting to stray (I’m 7 years married/faithful but I’m just that most people do things like this to keep it that way as married couples)…
We’re in our mid 20′s, despite us both working we make under the poverty line after bills are taken into account, we have two kids (so she had to like sex at least twice in her life), she’s thin and gorgeous but I’m a little overweight for my height, and, yes, we are stressed out to the bone (who isn’t). We’re generally happy in our relationship but she never talks to me about our problems when there is one (I’m obviously open with my issues in hopes of a solution), as a matter of fact, to get her to talk I have to frustrate her by asking a lot of questions to get it out of her (and I have to ask the *right* ones too)… As far as the kids, again I give her *a lot* of time without them. She has plenty of time to “recharge her battery” but she’d rather spend it talking with her girlfriends through the internet or wasting time on youtube, myspace, photobucket, and, yes, yahoo…. As a matter of fact, the only time we spend together is probably in bed (sleeping)…
Help me! What do you think I can do to fix my issues?!?! Marriage counseling isn’t the solution as SHE WILL NOT GO….
Best answer:
Answer by singleluvin1
I told my husband from the beginning that if he ever stopped giving me sex, I would find it elsewhere and I meant it. He said “ditto” so things have always been good with us. I think you should have been upfront about how much you like sex from the beginning and she should have told you how much she dislikes it. Maybe you wouldnt be in this situation now.
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